Regret and Hate Spells

I hate how when something happens, you start to regret a lot of things.

My grandmother died May 6th and I've been thinking about how when she fell in January and when she was in the hospital a couple months after that, I spent so much time with her. I sat by her side and I read her the bible.

Then I get to thinking about how I should have spent more time with her. I regret never spending the night at her house like the rest of my cousins did. I regret a lot of things regarding not being with her. I regret not being there when she died.

Then regretting one things leads to regretting other things not even related to her. Like regretting how I'm too afraid of everything. How I have no backbone and can't stand what I believe in without the fear of someone criticizing me or family disowning me.

I regret not being with someone I loved because I was too afraid of telling my family about us, I regret avoiding romance and love because of this, I regret not making new friends and making enemies everywhere I go.

Then I think about how I have these feelings that I'll always be alone and no one will love me.

This leads to anger and hate and letting emotions bottle up inside of me until I break down and blame everyone I know for everything that goes wrong. I end up hating the people who kept us apart and then after I've cooled down, I realize it's all my fault for not having any courage to stand up for myself.

Then that leads to depression for a few days then back to my normal, almost surreal boring life until another big event happens and then it's back to this nonsense.

Life just really sucks now.

Kelly Ann's List of Best Movies Ever

Ok, so no one bitches at me, I'll be "politically correct" and say 'Kelly Ann's Personal List of Best Movies Ever According to Her Taste.' Happy?

These are in no specific order.

1. Hackers
One of the most re-watchable movies ever in my opinion. I've seen it more than The Wizard of Oz. About 30 times probably.

2. No Country for Old Men
Evil have no skin color, eye color, sex, nationality or hair style. Anyone can be evil. Even a guy with a bowl cut can make you shit your pants.

3. V for Vendetta
The thought of a world without freedom is scary. The thought of a person like V is both awesome and a turn on. Don't ask me why, but V was seriously sexy. O_o

4. The Shawshank Redemption
What can I say other than MORGAN FREEMAN and EPIC PRISON BREAK!

5. Storm of the Century
This past winter, the people of Delaware went to bed in Delaware and woke up in Alaska. I honestly thought Stephen King was predicting this to happen, but not on an island in Maine. I was waiting for someone to knock on our door and tell us to head over to the town hall for safety. This only made me love Storm of the Century even more.

6. Casablanca
If you need me to tell you why this movie is one of the best, then you my friend, are a sheltered, sorrowful soul.

7. Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amélie Poulain
Also known as Amelie, it's one of the few romance movies I like. I wish I were Amelie sometimes.

8. Beetle Juice and James and the Giant Peach
I was exposed to early Tim Burton work around the age of 3, starting with Beetle Juice and James. I see the bull he's popping out now and then I look back at these two movies and some of his other early works and it makes me sad how bad he's gotten.

9. Silence of the Lambs
Three words: Hannibal fucking Lecter.
Like Morgan Freeman, nuff said.

That's it for now. Maybe I'll add movies to the list later on. Maybe not. :\

Crappy Pixels: A Cell Phone Picture Diary

Monday, ‎December ‎21, ‎2009, ‏‎4:24:24 PM:
Delaware is not known for big snow storms. We're a temperate zone, so when we get the slightest snow fall we freak out. Sadly, this was one of the bigger storms we had, but not the biggest. Still, the state boys of DellDot don't know how to clear a road.

Monday, ‎January ‎11, ‎2010, ‏‎6:32:46 PM:
I have recently discovered that dinosaurs still exist, but are so tragically painted with people I've probable heard of, but don't recognize.

‎Friday, ‎January ‎15, ‎2010, ‏‎8:19:36 AM:
I awoke to my Nintendo DS looking like this. It's the top screen. It looks almost like a burned paper. The bottom screen works fine. I didn't step on it, I didn't lay anything on top of it... WTF?

Friday, ‎January ‎15, ‎2010, ‏‎12:22:04 AM:
I believe I have found a new government conspiracy. The government has genetically modified peppermint balls so they can now multiply! Case in point, this peppermint ball with a baby peppermint ball!
‎Monday, ‎March ‎08, ‎2010, ‏‎5:26:32 PM:
I'm pimpin' a new hat (and looking like a fat boy) bought at the local knock off shop. I love that place... <3 onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i77.photobucket.com/albums/j75/mcrfreek13/phonephotos/Photo0298.jpg">Monday, ‎March ‎08, ‎2010, ‏‎6:36:26 PM: A gas line on fire between two bridges. My face looked like this ---> O_____O

Monday, ‎March ‎22, ‎2010, ‏‎2:28:08 PM:
My new puppy Deuce. He hypnotizes my mom with his beauty and cuteness, but I'm not so easily fooled.

‎Sunday, ‎April ‎something, ‎2010:
This is why I freakin' love my church.

‎Sunday, ‎April ‎18, ‎2010, ‏‎3:05:48 PM:
The best tattoo I've ever drawn on myself and the photo comes out all blury.

Friday, ‎April ‎30, ‎2010, ‏‎9:56:34 PM:
OMG WTF BIT ME???

Saturday, ‎May ‎01, ‎2010, ‏‎2:23:08 PM:
One of my many dream wedding dresses.

BONUS: Youth Group scavenger hunt photos.Story: My youth group had a scavenger hunt all throughout Dover on May 2nd. We did many things to make ourselves look like idiots. Especially me because I wore a sombrero while doing everything. So here's some photos of the event.

One box of Swedish Fish. That's all we needed... Why the hell did we need a receipt THAT long?

Happy Swedish Fish face. :)

The other team's chalk drawing.

My team's chalk drawing.

A... partial pyramid of Rita's Water Ice cups. FUX YEAH RITA'S!

One of the other teams getting their pictures developed at Happy Harry's. FUX YEAH HAPPY HARRY'S!

END!